How are you doing today? Really? I would love to make some space for you to reflect. How are you feeling? Physically? Mentally? Spiritually?

Yesterday, a sweet friend asked me the same question, but I knew I could try to be honest…

The Question

“How are you, Sarah?” Lorrie asked with a hug.

“Good. Yeah. I’m good. Well, actually, no. I’m not good. I’ve been (a lump seizes my throat) discouraged.” Being honest with my feelings often brings tears.

“Oh? At home? Something else?”

“No, it’s all in my mind.”

You see, we’re buying a house. And I’m not contributing to our finances. I’m not working. The girls are off at school and I’m just at home. I feel foolish. Or even spoiled, that I don’t have to work…”

“And you’re writing.” Lorrie encouraged.

“Sort of… I wanted to write this year, and my book is on pause. I feel… and tears welled, spilling down my cheeks and onto the bottom rim of my glasses.”

She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and looked me in the eyes.

“The Lord knew you needed this season. You’re not what you do. You’re exactly where he wants you to be.”

The Thoughts I’m Wrestling

As a stay-at-home mom with a small business, the Lord made it clear I was supposed to set down my existing manuscript for Awaken Hope. But then what? Should I open spots for coaching? Should I pursue speaking engagements? Submit writing to blogs and magazines? My mind races with ideas to dull the ache.

Still, trying to do “enough” to feel peace.

It’s a fruitless pursuit.

Where Does My Worth & Identity Come From?

Fruit comes as I dwell with my Father. As I rest in my identity as God’s girl. In his love for me. And then have discernment to reject the lies and accusations. 

Let’s look at Nehemiah’s story for encouragement on how to reply to the enemy’s lies. Nehemiah was called to lead the efforts to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. But he had opposition. Haters who sent him threatening letters. Over and over again. But look at Nehemiah’s response:

“Then I sent to him, saying, ‘No such things as you say have been done, for you are inventing them out of your own mind.’ For they wanted to frighten us, thinking, ‘Their hands will drop from the work, and it will not be done.’ But now, O God, strengthen my hands.” Nehemiah 6:8-9 ESV

Those liars! They’re making it up in their head. They’re crazy. And Nehemiah saw through their deception. He was unflappable.

Isn’t that like the enemy? To discourage us and make us afraid so that we stop the work God called us to do? Everyone’s calling is unique to them and their season.

I see if I continue to live in this discouragement and believe the lies, my joy is sapped, my focus and hope dwindle. The enemy says I’m not doing enough. The Lord says, Stay the course, don’t look over there. Be strong and courageous. You are enough in me.

When my girls were born, did I love them because of what they did? No, they were just little snuggly itty bitties that couldn’t do anything. They depended on me. And I adored them because they were mine.

Do you wrestle with inner thoughts of worthiness or insecurities? Doubts? I get it, friend. You’re not alone.

You’re Not What You Do

You’re not the house you clean, or the lunches you pack. You’re not your to-do list. You’re not the social media posts you create. You’re not the behavior of your children or the choices they make. You are not your occupation or what you wear.

You are far more.

Far more beautiful. Far more depth and wonder. And it’s all nestled safely in your heart, your innermost being. I see it in you. Do you? 

Today’s Prayer

Take a moment to pause and ask the Lord, “What do you think about me? How much do you love me? Help me believe it, experience it, and live it out.”

I’ve been playing the song “Honest” by Leanna Crawford on repeat. It stirs something deep inside me. Can I be honest? What if I’m judged? Or seem too needy? What if I cry and fall apart? What if they don’t actually care? So far, for the four trusted women I shared my struggles with this week, I was met with love, encouragement, and reassurance.

I see Jesus smiling as I’m learning this. He’s placed safe people in our lives that we get to let into the hurt, struggles, and fears. Let’s not do life alone. Like giant redwood trees, they need one another’s root systems to stay upright and weather storms. You’re not in this alone.

So let me ask you again, dear one, how are you? 

And thanks for letting me be honest.