Guest Post by Regina Novak:
“How will I do this on my own?”
I remember this question ringing in my head several times a day, for many years. It was one of the main reasons it took me a long time to leave to a marriage I should have walked away from years earlier. The fear was real and powerful as I contemplated the financial impact of being a single mom and supporting myself and my children. Could I do it on my own? Could I not only make ends meet, but also achieve the financial dreams and goals I had for myself and my children?
Whether you are single by choice, have lost a spouse, or have started over after a divorce, this question may be on your mind too. Can a single-income earner build the financial life they aspire to?
Money is such a personal journey. It’s a topic that can trigger a variety of emotions in us. It’s a lifelong journey, full of twists and turns, and there are many roadblocks we encounter along the way. One of the biggest sources of sabotage on this journey is the lovely lady we see in the mirror.
We are familiar with the sentiment that “we are our own worst enemies” and I have seen it apply to finances in almost every circumstance. We mentally block our forward progress by believing and repeating misinformation. Our mindset affects our behaviors, so in turn, our actions do not set us up for success either.
How do we align our mindset with our behaviors, and create a plan of action to get us where we want to be? Let’s look at 3 ways we self sabotage our financial efforts.
- Misinformed beliefs that impact our mindset.
- Allowing emotions of grief, shame, and comparisons to hold us back.
- Failing to confront our relationship with money.
Misinformed Beliefs
We have heard the saying that we become what we believe. Let’s look at a few of the misinformed beliefs that keep us from winning with money.
Limiting Belief #1: I can’t do it.
Do you believe you can achieve the financial life you aspire to on one income? If our mind tells us we cannot achieve something, we believe it to be true. When you combine that limiting belief with negative self-talk, we feel crippled and hopeless. Belief in ourselves and what we are capable is probably the most important piece to accomplishing anything we set out to do. When we believe something is possible, it ignites a power within us that motivates action. We are filled with hope that we are in control of our life and the steps we need to take to make changes. Because we believe we can, our actions align. We try new things and fight our way forward, convinced that we will reach our destination.
Limiting Belief #2: I’ve made too many mistakes.
God didn’t make us perfect. He knows we will falter time and time again. Thankfully, He loves us and accepts us as we are. How many times do we read in the bible how God forgives and allows for redemption? Peter denies Jesus prior to the crucifixion. King David has Bathsheba’s husband killed in action. Saul is struck blind for his sins. But God forgives. If God can forgive us, can we not also forgive ourselves?
Money mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. It is not too late to make changes and move towards your financial vision. We are not defined by our mistakes. Every day is a chance to redefine who we are and what we are capable of.
Limiting Belief #3: I cannot do it alone.
You are not alone. God is there to walk every journey with you. He wants us to manage our money in ways that serve and honor Him. He wants us to share our talents and gifts, and in order to do so, we must first take care of our financial house. Like any challenge we face, He will walk beside us.
God also sends us people to support us on our journey. Just because you are single does not mean you are alone. Aside from professional coaches and advisors that can help you, you have church communities, family, friends and community resources at your disposal. Ask for help along the way and know that you never walk alone.
Allowing emotions to hold us back
Emotions around money could make for a long article, so I will briefly touch on a few of the emotions that can derail our efforts.
Grief: We do not make good decisions when we grieve. Perhaps you have lost a spouse recently or are dealing with a traumatic divorce. Allow yourself time to grieve before making any big decisions around your finances. Start with small corrections to get you on solid ground and allow some time to heal. Get a good support system around you to help push you forward and avoid going backward, but do not worry about huge leaps and bounds right away. Put your energy into strengthening your soul and getting back on your feet. Remember the footprints in the sand story and allow God to carry you until you are strong enough to walk again. (The poem Footprints in the Sand can be found here. https://www.onlythebible.com/Poems/Footprints-in-the-Sand-Poem.html.)
Shame: As I mentioned above, we are not defined by our mistakes. It’s time to shed ourselves from the heavy burden of guilt and shame. Carrying these with us will make the journey longer and harder. Take your burden to the cross, lay it down, and move forward renewed in spirit.
Comparisons: Comparisons rob us of joy and the ability to focus our efforts and energy on our own life and goals. It doesn’t matter what another person has or how much they make. Using social media as your lens for success will lead to disappointment. Instead, turn inwards and identify your own values and heart’s desires. True contentment is living our life and expressing gratitude for the bounty we have.
Your financial journey is YOUR financial journey. Just as God made you unique, your story, journey, challenges and triumphs are also unique.
Failure to Confront our Relationship with Money
If money were about the numbers, anyone that could add and subtract would be doing fine. It’s not just about the numbers. Money is personal, emotional and relational. To simplify it to something mathematical is missing the mark.
Any relationship that is good and solid takes time and effort. What is your relationship with money and how could it be better? This is a critical piece of the journey and something that a good financial coach can help you discover and explore.
To all the single ladies out there: You are awesome. You are capable. Your dreams around your finances are worth chasing, and YOU are worth the effort and energy to make those long-term goals come true. God has a plan for you. He loves you and He believes in you. Use your gifts, your grit and your determination to take action and to step into your power and achieve a sound financial house and a heart full of peace.
Meet the Author: Regina Novak, MPH Health Educator and Financial Coach
Regina Novak is the founder of RCM Financial Coaching. Knowing that our money mindset and story is personal, emotional and relational, she helps clients clarify values, visions and behaviors around personal finance and create a plan of action to get where they want to be. Regina understands that peace of mind around personal finance increases health and well-being, and allows each person to bring their best self to their personal, professional and spiritual life.
Regina enjoys her work with private clients. She co-created a course on relationships and money, designed to help couples discuss money and work as a team on their financial action plan. Regina also works with women in transition, and has helped women through divorce, starting their own business and assisting them as they work to undo negative relationships with money that hold them back from their financial goals. Regina also serves employer groups throughout the Tampa Bay region and beyond with webinars and financial education series. She can be reached at regina@rcmfinancialcoaching.com. Learn more at rcmfinancialcoaching.com.
Related blog posts by Sarah de Orlando:
Get Unstuck: Stand up to Fear
What is your story?
Moving Forward