How to move forward after loss
How do you move forward after loss? What does it look like to be fatherless? Where do I even begin?
While today marks three months since he suddenly passed, I have peace. I’ve had so many hikes, ugly cries, prayers, and time with loved ones. I’ve found a new, slower pace and embraced more rest.
Most importantly, I cling to what’s good, what’s honorable, true, noble, excellent. I cling to gratitude and love; it’s my lifeline to move forward after loss. Our relationship was complicated, but I loved him dearly and I am choosing to honor the good.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
Recall God’s Faithfulness
Recently I stumbled across a creative writing assignment I wrote the reflection from Mr. Walsh’s English class. He unleashed my passion for writing expressively to draw the reader into the story. I am beyond grateful I found this reflection in my files earlier this year… only God knew I would need it now.
Celebrate the Person
“Fasha”
My dear, curly-hair-ponytail and leather-jacket-wearing, dad. The sun reflects off the top part of his head with his pearly whites shining below.
He pulls up into the driveway. The diesel, blue Rabbit is heard from the dining room. I loathe that car, and I tell him weekly. The reply is always the same, “A $300 car with 60 miles per gallon will look pretty good when you want a car!” A smile slips across my face as I shake my head.
The tennis rackets are in the back seat and he is sporting the old school look (shorts with high socks). We drive to the courts in Henniker listening to eardrum-rattling Rusted Root; my foot has a mind of its own. No one is in sight, I do not have to worry about bad serves or returns.
It takes a little while to get used to playing again. I serve over and over again, until dad, my coach, is satisfied. He takes the ball, serves it up, the smack of the racket echoes over the tar. I’m scared of the ball and jump out of the way. It whizzes past my ear too close for comfort and gets stuck in the chain-link fence. “Whoa, killer!” I exclaim. He apologizes with a sly smile. Shadows creep onto the courts and the cool summer evening envelopes us. Sweat and exhaustion have the best of us.
Home together
Mum made burgers while we were gone. My mouth waters, as I smell them sizzling on the grill. The seven of us sit down for dinner.
Laughter fills the air.
I stay in the kitchen after eating, talking with my parents. My dad and I start playing around, punching at each other. He picks me up and swings me around. I am still his little girl.
I whip out the cribbage board, who is going to do the butt-kicking tonight? We sit across from each other. He skillfully shuffles, I keep a close eye on his hands. Halfway through the game, we are neck and neck. He has a straight face; it’s unnerving. I finally got a great hand and crib, I beat him by a mile. He says, “You just won by luck, next time I am winning by skill!” The pearly whites flash across his face once again.
Looking Forward
My dad was an amazing creative writer, so I celebrate the piece of him that lives through me. I can see the joy as I finish writing my first book, knowing he would be so proud. Slowly, I am realizing I need to keep doing the things that bring joy and give life to myself and others. I move forward after loss by stepping into the woman God created me to be. So I reflect on God’s goodness and celebrate the time I did have with my father. I celebrate the praiseworthy memories like this glimpse into the past I wrote long ago…
Journal questions:
- Are you in a difficult season right now? How do you feel? Be honest with yourself.
- How can you look for the joy and remember God’s faithfulness in the past?
- Who can you encourage by sharing where you’re at and what you’ve learned?
Here’s a great resource I have read to help process disappointment: It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way by Lysa TerKeurst.
Check out details on my book, Love Letters from Poland, and an excerpt of my book in a recent blog.