This season has forced me to enjoy small beginnings. 

Annabelle scooped fists of soil from the bag and sprinkled half into the empty little pot. Back into the bag, she went. Her chunky hands helping me the best she could. As the soil brimmed the top, we sprinkled lavender seeds and covered them with a thin blanket of soil. I have no idea how to plant lavender, but on a whim, I thought, why not try? Planting would be a sweet little lesson for my toddler to learn about patience, nurturing, and waiting for new things to pop up from the sleepy soil. She also loves all things to do with flowers, dirt, and water. By the end of our gardening work, the pots were heavily watered by my eager helper, and she asked her Papi for “more water!” as her jug ran dry. So, now we’ll wait and see. 

Finding new small beginnings

Since our shelter-in-place order, I’ve taken an interest in gardening. I’ve propagated several succulents, repotted spider plants, ferns, an orchid, and helped my fiddle-leaf fig produce a new leaf. I get so much delight seeing the progress! I love tender roots from a withered succulent leaf.  I see hope. Hope for what seems asleep, dead, and impossible – cut off, no roots, yet it survives and grows new roots with nourishing water and light. 

I see a reflection of my old life in that dry leaf, depressed, and isolated. But then as I found freedom in God’s truth and Spirit, new hope took root in my life. But growing is an act of fortitude. Faithfully watering, nourishing, weeding, and lots of waiting. The roots come! New life comes! And so I will rejoice and delight in my new roots.

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.” Zechariah 4:10a NLT

Good is coming and I will delight in the smallest shoot, celebrating its arrival. I celebrate my houseplants freely, yet previously I wouldn’t celebrate my little victories. Instead, I thought Why didn’t I do more? I should have been further by now. My counselor told me, “Sarah, you put too much pressure on yourself.” But I didn’t believe it until this forced season of rest. 

What if I take it one slow, beautiful day at a time? What if I nourish the little seeds God planted in me and trusting one day they will flourish? My heart knows he delights in this intentional, slow process; I pray my heart will be still and do the same. 

The daily journey of motherhood

I see parallels in being a momma – I want to delight in motherhood. tomorrow is Mother’s Day and Annabelle and her “Pipo” made a priceless handprint flower picture. Last year I received something just as sweet, but with smaller prints. Where have the past two years gone? She’s already grown so much, yet in the day-to-day, the growth is almost imperceptible. Each day requires new love, new grace, tending and nurturing her curious, active mind, and body. I beat myself up when I get frustrated, annoyed, and feel I’m failing as a mother. I have been stuck on the one awful thing I did and forgotten the other numerous things I did right! Isn’t that our brain though, unless we train it? 

Our daily grind can drain us – or we can choose to see tender little shoots in ourselves and children and dance with joy. We get to develop these beautiful, fragile hearts and minds. Oh, what a precious gift. We faithfully love, assure, rock, cuddle, read, clean, wash, wipe, and listen to our littles. I pray we see the deep meaning and joy in the mundane – celebrating our babes growing, as we too, grow as mothers. We might not see the big fruit of our tireless labor yet, but I know, because God is faithful, we will one day. 

We can delight today because God delights in us. He delights in you, friend.  Did you know that? He’s wild about you – his priceless daughter. We can rest and trust he is working in our hearts and our children’s, today, and every day. There is a purpose behind all this, momma. I pray you find new joy and hope this season. I pray you find grace and mercy to do much of the same thing you did yesterday, faithfully, tenderly, with deep joy. You were called to this beautiful journey of motherhood, friend, and you’re not alone. 

It seems my heart is growing more than my talkative two-year-old, as I cling to God’s truth and Spirit to guide me and to parent from a place of secure love. I have such joy seeing Annabelle blossom. I don’t want to rush her life and miss seeing how she adores smelling every flower and bush she sees, how she crouches down to inspect a beetle crawling up a wall, or how she “tweets” back at birds with excitement. 

Invitation to delight

I feel God restoring my hope and joy from the lost innocence of my childhood as Annabelle invites me to see her wonderful world. I see so many beautiful things he has done in my life since becoming a mother, but when I’m in the trenches of the day, I often forget to pause and remember how far I’ve come, by his grace. One day I’ll be a mighty oak, but for now, I celebrate the sapling I am, a young mother, learning, loving, and growing. 

And so, I give myself lots of grace and choose to treasure each little sprout as it comes in God’s good timing. I am running to him for nourishment and strength and accepting his invitation to rest. I don’t do it perfectly, but increasingly so, as I wait for more shoots and blossoms. I am overwhelmed by God’s love and his heart to have me teach Annabelle the beautiful process of gardening, and about him, our loving Gardener, tending my soul and hers alike. 

Happy Mother’s Day, mommas. You are so loved. 

PS – I’ll let you know how our lavender turns out in a few weeks 🙂

November 2020 Update:

Our lavender never sprouted. Any green thumbs out there who know how to grow lavender from seed? What small beginnings have you enjoyed in this new season? Send me a message, I’d love to hear from you.